Whats going on with me?

 I have been out of a job for a month now. Here is my daily routine:

1. wake up whenever. 
2. brush my teeth
3. take a bath or not
4. consume TV, laptop, phone. at times all three at the same time.
5. order food online for lunch/dinner, its always junk food
6. make coffee whenever
7. stay up until late night. i once went to sleep at 6:30 am.

Where has it got me:

1. my mind and thoughts are always cloudy
2. i keep forgetting things. i once saw a movie and kept forgetting the name of the lead character while the movie was still on.
3. i have gained 10 kgs

What's going on in my mind:

1. i have lost the will to live. no one will notice. maybe a couple will of them but they will get on with their lives. and they should.
2. i dont know what i want. i try to put myself in auto mode saying do whats necessary. but then i wonder whats the point of anything that i do or dont.

What have I tried:

1. went to a psychiatrist and paid 100$ for a 20 min session. after 2 visits, i knew it wasnt gonna work for me and i couldnt afford this luxury at this stage of my life.
2. attempted to get back to exercise and meditation. just cant.
3. tried to stay objective and not dwelve in the past or compare but when everything is right in my face, what do i do

What can potentially happen next:

1. i dont know
2. one or the other, this will end. i just hope to be around to see how it does.

Movie review # 5 : Babumoshai Bandookbaaz

 I am not a fan of Nawazuddin Siddiqui. That does not imply I dont consider him a formidable actor. Its  just that I can never bring myself to look forward to anything he does. Because he does the same thing over and over again. I feel the same way about Pankaj Tripathi.

Nevertheless, Babumoshai Bandookbaaz is a damn good movie with a story that i thought is stolen (inspired) from Hollywood. The character development of each is just amazing. Practically everyone has a story arc. I usually dont see that in Bollywood where only the protagonist has a story worth telling. Which brings me to the question : who was the protagonist in this movie? No one and everyone!!

Loved the setting, the cinematography, brilliant sound direction. 

Coming back to the actors, some of them played their cliched roles of gangster (including nawaz), busty bitch (divya dutta), corrupt police officers but my pick was Banke Bihari. Seeing him in underwear whenever he is at his home is so relatable for people from this part of the country.  

The ending was so unconventional. Not a happy ending and leaves a lot for audience to imagine depending on how they sympathized with.

Rating: 4.5/5

Movie review # 4 : Safe (Netflix)

Spent(wasted) 8 hours binging on the netflix show Safe

What a useless and plotless drama? 

Someone offloads a 20 year old guilt on their deathbed on to their teenage child who has the mental capacity of a 2 year old who then goes around sticking into other people's business to find out the "truth"; not because she wanted Justice or revenge but only because she wanted to "know". As a result, 3 people die, 1 gets stabbed and almost dies,  and few others' lives are ruined. 

All because someone wanted to die guilt free but without facing the consequences. Dumb ass!!

Rating: 1/5