People I admire but havent met them

 I have found myself getting influenced a lot. By movies, books, people, especially those that I dont know personally or first hand. So I thought, why not build a list. Because I love making lists.

So, here it goes.

1. Brad Pitt - Arguably the most handsome looking individual that I have seen in my lifetime. I find him extremely likeable and suave. Every time the camera pans into him, every line, every gestures he makes is just magical. He might as well be my favorite actor.
2. Robin Williams - You have to love the range this guy possesses as an actor. But somehow, comedy came naturally to him. If my life would be a movie, I would want Robin Williams to play me. With the only twist that I would also want to end the way he did.
3. Jagjit Singh - The man with a voice that touches my soul. His songs have given me words to break down my emotions when I couldnt do it myself. I regret not attending his concert when I had a chance. Maybe in my next life.
4. Katherine Heigl - She is my first Hollywood crush.
5. Bill Cosby
6. Irfan Khan
7. Biswa Kalyan Rath - I can listen to his jokes again and again and still find them funny. I am glad Ruhaan finds him funny too.

Dr. K's perspective on why someone is overwhelmed and my own two cents.

First things first, I am a great admirer and almost a a great fan of Dr. K. His YouTube videos are eye opening and provide a window into my mind and sometimes my soul.  

Now to his quote : it's not simply the sum of problems but rather a disparity between chosen ("active") and unchosen ("passive") challenges.

How I see it in my head:

As you can see, passive challenges makes you feel lose control and hence it positively adds to the feeling of being overwhelmed.

On the other hand, active challenges, even those that are not related to the actual problem at hand, will give you a sense of control, reducing the sense of feeling overwhelmed.

And I have seen that happening with me. Since my life has way more passive challenges (even though, I could have turned them into active ones, by making certain choices at the right time), if I can distance myself and go make some tea or clean the house, I do feel better. Of course, it does absolutely nothing to the problem itself. It is still there, staring down on me, but I don't feel that anxious or panicked.

As all good things, I am able to find a fault with this approach too. I think this behaviour further reinforces my acts of procrastination. Over time, I tend to move more and more active challenges into the passive ones. Only because, I couldn't finish them in the first place. And why once might ask, it was because I was overwhelmed.

Now, I don't think this is not a good insight. It absolutely is. I just want to take a moment to remind myself that this approach needs to be followed up with the act of persistence and making sure each active challenge logically concludes and doesn't creep back into the pile of unfinished ones which later on become passive ones.

Movie review # 6 : Animal

I usually go out of my way to avoid watching a Bollywood movie, especially in a movie hall and that too on its first day. The ticket for Animal cost me 16$ a piece and an equal amount for the popcorn. 

I am relieved that the 16$ spent was worth it. Let me elaborate:

1. Story : At its core, Animal story line is a fine amalgamation of 3 emotion  - abandonment, revenge and love (Kabir Singh style). While most people are getting triggered by the violence and the much pronounced masculinity, nether of them are a novelty to the audience. We have seen worse in Hollywood, Japanese and Korean movies. So, to me, the movie is for a certain audience, which is true for all movies, I believe. Heck, there are people who have a problem with movies like Lion King. Anyways, coming back to Animal, the title did justice to the story. I loved it and would gladly rate a solid 4 on 5.
2. Acting : This is probably where I feel there was a significant amount of caricature in practically everyone's acting. The only balanced guy was probably Anil Kapoor. A dash of underplay by Ranbir Kapoor and a couple of lines of dialogues for Bobby Deol would have brought a different intensity to the presentation. Its a shame that in today's times, we do not have a fulltime and a dedicated comedian. I cant imagine what the change of pace a comic relief by a decent comedian would have done to the movie. I would go with a 3/5.
3. Music : Forgettable and forgivable. I would go with a 2/5
4. Direction : This is inarguably a director's movie. This is in the same league as GoW and probably for the same reasons. Getting the casting right in both RK and Bobby by bringing them out of their traditional and time-tested roles requires courage and confidence that I havent seen in directors lately. The fight sequences are over the top but thats again what the director envisioned and I loved it. If I am going to a movie hall, I need the highlights to be as grand and memorable as possible. As for people's criticism, I want to remind them of Tarantino who you might have hailed despite the gore in the fight sequences of his movies. 

Overall, I would still rate the movie a 4/5 simply because of its attempt to think differently. Looking forward for a sequel and more from SRV. He just found a fan in me.

My struggles with my mind

Its a Sunday. I woke up at 9 am. Did my morning business. Went back to bed. Binged on youtube, played PUBG, sometimes both at the same time. Just couldnt find the energy to get up and do something productive. Didnt even brush my teeth. Felt extremely hungry by around 2 pm and ended up ordering pizza from Domino's. Cost me 28$. Regretted it immediately because its not a healthy option nor I can afford such an indulgence while I am unemployed.

Some observations though -> at the very least, i should have a good sleep so that i dont wake up tired and exhausted. For that, I need to go to bed at a specific time. But I also need to fall asleep while I am in bed which is what I have been struggling with all along. Around 10 years atleast. Whats wrong with me?

Whats going on with me?

 I have been out of a job for a month now. Here is my daily routine:

1. wake up whenever. 
2. brush my teeth
3. take a bath or not
4. consume TV, laptop, phone. at times all three at the same time.
5. order food online for lunch/dinner, its always junk food
6. make coffee whenever
7. stay up until late night. i once went to sleep at 6:30 am.

Where has it got me:

1. my mind and thoughts are always cloudy
2. i keep forgetting things. i once saw a movie and kept forgetting the name of the lead character while the movie was still on.
3. i have gained 10 kgs

What's going on in my mind:

1. i have lost the will to live. no one will notice. maybe a couple will of them but they will get on with their lives. and they should.
2. i dont know what i want. i try to put myself in auto mode saying do whats necessary. but then i wonder whats the point of anything that i do or dont.

What have I tried:

1. went to a psychiatrist and paid 100$ for a 20 min session. after 2 visits, i knew it wasnt gonna work for me and i couldnt afford this luxury at this stage of my life.
2. attempted to get back to exercise and meditation. just cant.
3. tried to stay objective and not dwelve in the past or compare but when everything is right in my face, what do i do

What can potentially happen next:

1. i dont know
2. one or the other, this will end. i just hope to be around to see how it does.

Movie review # 5 : Babumoshai Bandookbaaz

 I am not a fan of Nawazuddin Siddiqui. That does not imply I dont consider him a formidable actor. Its  just that I can never bring myself to look forward to anything he does. Because he does the same thing over and over again. I feel the same way about Pankaj Tripathi.

Nevertheless, Babumoshai Bandookbaaz is a damn good movie with a story that i thought is stolen (inspired) from Hollywood. The character development of each is just amazing. Practically everyone has a story arc. I usually dont see that in Bollywood where only the protagonist has a story worth telling. Which brings me to the question : who was the protagonist in this movie? No one and everyone!!

Loved the setting, the cinematography, brilliant sound direction. 

Coming back to the actors, some of them played their cliched roles of gangster (including nawaz), busty bitch (divya dutta), corrupt police officers but my pick was Banke Bihari. Seeing him in underwear whenever he is at his home is so relatable for people from this part of the country.  

The ending was so unconventional. Not a happy ending and leaves a lot for audience to imagine depending on how they sympathized with.

Rating: 4.5/5

Movie review # 4 : Safe (Netflix)

Spent(wasted) 8 hours binging on the netflix show Safe

What a useless and plotless drama? 

Someone offloads a 20 year old guilt on their deathbed on to their teenage child who has the mental capacity of a 2 year old who then goes around sticking into other people's business to find out the "truth"; not because she wanted Justice or revenge but only because she wanted to "know". As a result, 3 people die, 1 gets stabbed and almost dies,  and few others' lives are ruined. 

All because someone wanted to die guilt free but without facing the consequences. Dumb ass!!

Rating: 1/5 

Movie review # 3 : Pulp Fiction

Finally managed to get my hands on this alleged cult classic. And boy, oh, boy, is this a deserving cult classic or what!!

The story telling is just incredible. Loved how it started in a particular setting, ended in the same one. But along the way, my favorite actor John Travolta dies. 😞 And that too, right after he comes out a relieved man!

But as a character, Samuel Jackson was by far the most intriguing one and he delivered a performance that I am going to remember for the rest of my life. I firmly believe that he should trademark the word "motherfucker" and he should be the only one allowed to say it... EVER! He is a bad motherfucker!

I dont remember when was the last time I was so emotionally pulled into the movie. The dread it manages to create is just so nerve-wracking. e.g. the opening scene when Samuel Jackson keeps on talking and we know he is going to shoot everyone eventually. Also, the scenes with Bruce Willis. I was on the edge of my seat and actually got so mad at Fabiene for asking so many questions when Bruce kept pleading her to get on the chopper fast; I actually yelled at her to hurry up. I have never done that in my life.

The final scene is obviously my favorite in the movie. What a performance by Samuel Jackson! Just loved it.

Movie review # 2: Greenland

Well, the main characters survived; obiously! Everyone else who tried to help them, died. There is no scientific explanation to what happened or why. Except that the comet/asteroid is from another solar system.

So, thats that!